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Focus on what you can control…

nuggetsoflearning • April 6, 2020

We can easily overwhelm ourselves by thinking what we can solve. There is currently so much to think about, we must break it down and work out what is within our control.

Stephen Covey in his book the “ 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” uses the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence. There are things we are concerned about and we need to work out whether we can influence them. If we can do something eg. some form of influence it leaves your Circle of Concern. It is like a mental in and out box. What we have to be really careful of, is not letting things fester in a Circle of Concern that we cannot influence and thus making us feel mentally unstable.

My current examples:-

Currently I cannot see my Mum therefore I cannot spend everyday worrying about it, however I can see her every evening on House Party with my sisters. An example of a concern moved to influence.
I cannot come up with a vaccine for Covid 19 therefore I cannot let it sit in my Circle of Concern that needs to go outside my head into an area of No Concern. I still care but if I can’t influence it will affect my mental well being.
My sons GCSE results are now outside mine or his influence so we have put them to one side in the areas of No Concern.

Amy Morin the author of “ Insights from 13 things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do ” says if we focus on what we can offer others we will stop:-

feeling sorry for ourselves
resenting other peoples success
feeling like we are owed something

Mentally strong people shift their focus to people in need, they look for ways to help others. If we are busy doing good things we will stop focusing on a victim like mentality.

Within our own households we can focus on how we can make the time as pleasant as possible for them. We can also reach out to our friends and family remotely still giving support. In work we can adapt our services, reduce fees and be readily available.

She suggests getting a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. Writing all the things above the line that you can’t control and below the line all the things you can control. After you have finished the list, rip off the top of the paper and throw it away.

Even when you have your list of the things you can control, she says you must remember that people are a factor that you cannot completely control, so remember the following points:-

Stop dwelling on the past, a situation with a particular person
Stop wasting energy on the things you cannot control within that relationship
Stop giving people your power (don’t let their opinions steer your direction)
Stop trying to please everyone

Uncertainty can be managed by focusing on what you can control. Grab that piece of paper today whether you do the line down the middle or Covey’s circles, focus on what you have influence and control over.

Take care and stay safe and well, please do contact me at bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk

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