One conversation away...

We avoid that one conversation that could make the biggest difference as we fear it will make things worse.  The longer we leave a discussion that needs to happen, communication constricts, tensions rise, trust evaporates and collaboration is done.  Even the simplest things that you want to say when avoided fester and frustration increases.

The reason we avoid difficult conversations is fear, that it will escalate and will we be able to control it.  If you took the view that everyone is feeling the same it would be a level playing field.

Here are 3 rules to lead through an unavoidable conversation that come from a TED Talk by Adar Cohen. 

His first rule is to move towards the conflict, which may appear combative, but if you take the view the conflict is the information is the data.  By making it explicit and stating what it is everyone is clear on the conflict and the conversation you are having.  Often people skirt around the issue so often you are not really sure which issue or conversation they are wanting to have with you.

The second rule is my favourite, you don't know anything.  If you take a step back and ask the right questions to understand their perspective, you are practising empathy and they will open up in front of you.  Strangely this is liberating put your issue to one side and being in a place where you know nothing.  All you have to do is listen.

The final rule is to keep quiet, and don't panic with the silence.  Breakthroughs in disagreements often happen in the silence.  In the space left be confident that some-one will fill the void and suddenly the obvious solution or thought comes out.

The three steps in summary are:-

1. Move towards the conflict
2. You don't know anything
3. Keep quiet

There is always a way through and take a step forward and have that one conversation you have been avoiding.

Please do reach out this week and share with me that one conversation you have been avoiding.  nuggets provide one to one coaching and a place where you can talk and think differently to evoke transformation.

bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk