Finding Optimism...

Spring is the time of year,  that we should have that feeling of optimism, the blossom is on the trees and the thought of sunnier weather to bear fruit is exciting and tantalising.

Working with clients as a Coach it is often about getting them to see sunnier horizons metaphorically in their work lives or in their home life.  As a trainer and a coach I use Martin Seligman's 3 P model to get someone to reposition their pessimism into optimism.

The first P is personal, where Clients think everything is about them and that the thing or situation is only happening to them.  Human nature is we have a default to personalise however a way to feel more positive is to share an experience and see that the same situation has already happened to others.  We are always are harshest critic and we blame ourselves for a circumstance whereas with distance and feedback from others, we can see that this is not something that is just happening to you.

The second P is pervasive, Clients can let one event suddenly consume them, and use language as follows,  "Nothing is going well in my life".  Pervasive is when you are taken over by something, so one incident now means that your whole life is not going well.  I encourage Clients to journal and understand that there are so many other areas of their life to be grateful for.  My own Coach Debs Green @ Wishfish encourages me to give myself a GAIL everyday which stands for (Grateful, Achievement, Improve & Learn).  In the book You Coach You by Helen Tipper & Sarah Ellis they use the Domino Effect exercise.  If you were to write on some dominos all the things that matter in your life, key relationships, skills, hobbies and interests you would see how full your life was.  If you stand back and look at the dominos and write one thing that is going well for each domino you will see that so many are standing up and will not topple over as you have such a full life and so much to be grateful for.

The third and final P is permanent.  This is where Clients particularly stuck in a job they have not been enjoying for a while, might say "It is never going to get any better" the future has become permanently bleak.  We choose our lives and the element of choice is always there, so as a Coach it is about gently shifting their mindset.  What could you do tomorrow that would make a small difference, just 1%? Or even more immediate coaching "What will you do in the next 15mins after this session?" the brain always has to answer a question and you have to fire up the motors to get new thinking started.  Atomic Habits by James Clear is a great book to read to understand that we can make marginal gains and incremental changes in our lives all the time.

To summarise Martin Seligmans 3 P's he describes it as learned optimism, and working with a coach can really help identify where you are stuck in pessimism.

Personal - not all about YOU

Pervasive - not about your whole life

Permanent - you can change the future

Please do get in touch for a coaching session bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk