Developing confidence

We have things that sit in our comfort zone and then the things that are outside.  It is too simple to think that we will just step outside comfort and everything will be OK.  If you are scared of rats and you were put in a room full of rats that will possibly send you into a panic zone that will not help you master the fear. The rats on mass would make you retreat to your comfort zone and may cause long term damage, for example PTSD or a mental breakdown.

The solution is gradual exposure to what is preventing you from stepping out of your comfort zone.  One rat in a cage and then maybe two and even some-one else holding a rat might lead from comfort to a growth zone. We have to build the confidence in our ability until eventually it leads to mastery.

There is a big difference between stress and trauma, the latter is when we either go into our flight/fight or freeze mode.  When this happens we instinctively  go to our comfort zone and then as above we gradually brave the growth zone and then in time more things can flip into comfort.  With the expansion of your comfort and growth you are pushing the panic zone further and further out.

Ask yourself:-

What is in your comfort zone?

What is  in your panic zone?

What is in between the two zones?

Two examples below on how identifying the gap and gradual mastery led the individuals back to comfort.

Bob was struggling with social interaction.  His coach gave him the task of saying Hi more often and smiling and making eye contact.  The next week Bob was asked to ask people the time.  Bob initially found this easy, but did find that he was happier asking people in roles, eg. security guards or people in shops.  The coach then encouraged to ask colleagues and people he knew.  The final push was when asking for the time to comment on the person's watch or phone.  Bob realised that he was then leading to a conversation.

Sue was nervous about presenting at work.  She was very confident socially but feared presenting to a large audience.  Her anxiety was around people questioning her knowledge.  The coach asked her to prepare a topic she could talk on for 2 mins or less and offer up in conversations, not in a presentation context.  From this she was encouraged to expand to impromptu talks to safe audiences and small  groups.  Sue's confidence around her knowledge soared and she was able to present to a larger audience having delivered the materials in small chunks over time.

I have used a photo of myself with this blog as my current growth zone area is back to mixing in larger social groups.  Since Covid and a lot of time last year working in very solitary environments I have shrunk my growth zone and expanded my comfort zone.  If I have a choice I mix with a small circle of friends and work is often from home.  Whilst in presenting mode very much in my comfort zone, but it is often the interaction in a large office that puts me into growth zone.  Over the next few weeks I am going to practice speaking to people I don't know in large offices and gradually attending bigger and bigger social events.

Please do get in touch for one to one coaching bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk