Communication 3 key ingredients

The 3 key ingredients are not a simple 1,2,3 they are about creating the right balance and environment that both people feel safe and listened to. 

Rapport

To be totally in rapport with some-one you have total mutual acceptance and respect for each other.  If your friend is vegetarian you are not in rapport if you constantly challenge them to eat a bacon sandwich.  In work we accept people's way of working and don't constantly challenge them to try your way.

We  know we are in total rapport with a person, when we have mutual compatibility, we can drive to a destination without talking, just listening to music but we are together.  In work think about those colleagues you work alongside without constant chatter you are just comfortable in a space together. 

Finding rapport is also like a rhythm, so it means not thinking about the next thing to say or not searching for solutions. As a coach you have to be in rapport with your client and that is often why best  practise is having a chemistry meeting to determine whether the two of you will work well together.

Talking when it feels right and not filtering or censoring your responses as you feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. 

To really deepen a connection it is important to understand why some-one enjoys something more than what they enjoy doing.  Getting to the core values and purpose of any individual is illuminating. 

Rapport fundamentally is about human connection, so for it to be real it is about being human and sharing emotions, how do you feel? and explaining or articulating what it going on for you and listening to them. We are all motivated by emotions and therefore create the space to talk about them.

Tension

When we use the word tension it is with a positive context, thinking that communication is like a piece of elastic we want the adaptability of it, not a tight tension. 

When we communicate the environment is vital and by meeting in different locations we alter  the level of stimulation and create a shift in emotions.  Think about conducting your one to ones in a coffee shop every so often, the atmosphere might be more relaxed and be a very different meeting to the one online.

Team activities create different dynamics and therefore different people to communicate with.  When atmosphere is playful, fun and relaxed we are more open to being our authentic selves. 

People get to know you better, if you are honest, so admit you did not like the film, there should be no fear in being true to ourselves.  Equally if you disagree and smile as you are saying it, the tension is more relaxed.  Speak your mind without confrontation.

Escalation

The final ingredient is escalation, taking the conversation further.  Identify areas of interest to connect you further.  Make compliments that they can influence eg. how they chaired a meeting, or more personal on their outfit.   Always be genuine and never use any fake data or third hand information.  If you feel a connection you are looking for that hook to take it further.  Examples and evidence can really help.  It can be as simple as "That look's interesting, can we grab a coffee and chat about it more..."

Please do get in touch if you would like a workshop on Confident Communication bev@nuggetsoflearning.co.uk